Sticker fun

Yeah this is how we roll in the Laulu house! Maddox decided to get creative with his stickers....it SO does NOT surprise me that this is the idea that came into his head!!

What to do....

I have virtually IGNORED my blog for almost 2 months..not that a TON hasnt happened..I just dont make the time to write it all down like I should. And if I have pictures that I want to share I will wait until I download them before I start a post but then I wont load my pics for MONTHS AND MONTHS therefore the post never happens. But my biggest problem is just not journaling! I used to write in a journal when I was growing up...I was pretty decent at it to and it used to really help me. When I was really upset I would write like a mad woman and it would help me to blow off the steam. But then in 2000 my cousin/best friend/practically brother passed away and I was devastated. My journal was not even enough to get it all out. And I can honestly say that THAT was the turning point...the point where I quit writing. Im not sure why it doesnt work for me anymore for OTHER things but it just ...doesnt. So back to my blog. I like to share my life with people and I love getting feedback and I particularly love sharing the random. But for me I think its more about blurbs then full out STORIES..which is probably why I find facebook to be such a draw HAHA! I am sure that this can be blamed on facebook. But also I feel a certain need to "entertain" when it comes to my blog. If its not funny It doesnt seem "worthy". Which is stupid since I originally started a blog as a family record of sorts. But with no will to "journal" and feeling a lack of enterainment value..its lost its draw...BIG time. So now comes a decision--do I delete it? I do still like the idea of having a family record but since I completely neglect it I've added it to my very long list of "things I need to get done" or "things that I should feel guilty and stress about"...its getting old HAHA! SOOOO ..Im thinking I'll just get rid of the whole dang thing and think of another way to record the memories--might just be my brain. But I havent decided 100% yet. On the FLIP SIDE however...if I DO keep it I am going to go private!!!!!!! I have a stat tracker on my blog that keeps track of who looks, when, where they are from, how they got to my blog, how long they looked etc... tonight I happened to take a peak and noticed someone from Illinois had visited today. I clicked on it and discovered it was a State Farm insurance ISP address (meaning it was either State Farm insurace-- which we have-- OR someone that works there and was on the internet at work) and the referring URL (or the page they were on BEFORE coming to my blog) was a Google search. I clicked on the URL and it was a google search for my husbands name! The only good thing was that they were on my blog for a very short amount of time but I am still not comfortable 1) that someone from State Farm is googling my husbands name--WHY? and 2) that we are this accessible for strangers. Some of the other search results to his name were old baby registrys, white pages info etc.... didnt like it! I knew all along that having a blog opened you up to the world but to see it first hand was still a shock LOL! Im dumb but learned my lesson.

Anyway--To delete or not to delete...that is the question.....

Its already starting............

I am SO behind on my blog (surprise surprise) that I haven't even blogged about Paxtons first day of third grade and I have to refer to it in order to talk about something funny that Paxton did tonight. He started third grade on the 26th and I was pleasantly surprised at how cooperative he was. He had such a difficult year last year (with anxiety) that I wasn't sure what to expect this year..being in a new class, new teacher, new bus, summer over etc.... But he did GREAT and continues to be doing great. As per usual, on the first day, my sister and I take them to school to walk them to class, help get their lunch numbers etc... They start their day off eating breakfast (in order to take the bus to school he has to eat breakfast there or else he would have nothing to do before school started-for way too much time) so we followed the kids through the food line. Being the mother hens that we ARE we were "pecking" at them the whole way through the line- "get some milk" "you're going to get CHOCOLATE milk for your cereal!?" "Aren't you going to get a banana?" "dont forget your spoon"..ETCETERA!!!!! We sat and made fun of ourselves but pretty much figured the kids were used to it and didn't notice. Which brings me to the ACTUAL point of this post. Tomorrow morning Paxtons twin cousins will be starting their first day of KINDERGARTEN at the same school. I was telling Paxton tonight (thinking he would be pleased to know) that we would be attending breakfast again with them so that we could help the boys with THEIR first day of school to which Paxton replied (as sweetly as he could muster, worried that he would hurt my feelings):

"Uuuuuhhhhh.....mom? When you went with us the last time you kind of talked loud a lot about our breakfast...you know...when we were in line? It was kind of embarrassing........do you HAVE to sit with US?"

I guess its closer around the corner than I thought that I will be taking he and his friends to the movies and having to sit 4 rows behind them, or taking them to the mall only to be required to walk at a distance of at LEAST 10 ft!

Forgive me but I'm baring it all!! LONG!

I am blogging about this for a couple of reasons...1) I sort of, in a round about way, mentioned something on my facebook page that elicited a few responses and several chat messages so now I feel like I should probably explain. And 2) I just need to vent and whine. For the past 2 or 3 years I have noticed a steady decline in my health. Most of it has really been pretty subtle and slow so it was easily blamed on different aspects of my life (Im tired because I have a baby that doesn't sleep). The most noticeable "symptom" is that I have gained weight like CRAZY!! I feel stupid admitting this but I am relly sort of stumped as to why I have gained so much weight..now let me just say..I REALIZE that I dont eat GREAT and never exercise but I NEVER have so what is so different now and why at SUCH an alarming rate?? For awhile I thought maybe it was just because I was getting older and I couldn't abuse my body like I could before and still believe that that DOES play a part however at the rate I am going I, deep down, feel like something else is going on. Here is the part where I feel like a hypochondriac. My weight gain is, believe it or not, ACTUALLY not what I am concerned about the most. I just have this "sense" that something is wrong. I have had SEVERE insomnia for a couple of years now and have tried every pill and powder out there (except Ambien..it scares me) and nothing helps. Which in turn makes me tired during the day. The daytime tiredness is getting worse and worse as the months move on and STILL no matter how exhausted I am...I cant sleep at night. Another issue I have been dealing with is my stress levels. I have had issues with depression in the past..pretty much ALL growing up but what I am dealing with now is something I have never felt before. My stress really started when I was pregnant with Maddox. When I first started feeling it I thought it was another bout of depression and messed up hormones from pregnancy so I started taking my medicines again. But for the first time in my life it wasn't helping. I tried it for several months and never had any relief. As my feelings increased I found I couldn't handle stressful situations as well as I used to. The smallest things would set me off. I had been babysitting for several years at this point and was starting to feel burned out. So I went back to the doctor and tried ANOTHER medicine. I was told that this particular med could make things worse before it got better and to stick with it for at least a month. They weren't kidding!! It made me literally ANGRY and I just couldn't keep my emotions under control at all and since I was still dealing with the insomnia and daytime fatigue I was a mess. I gave it exactly 2 months and just couldn't handle it anymore so I stopped taking it. I felt a little better emotionally for awhile after it was out of my system and I was beginning to think maybe it wasn't simple depression after all. The medicines weren't helping and I had always responded well in the past. But more importantly, if it WAS depression it was manifesting itself in a TOTALLY different way then what it had in the past and I started thinking maybe It was something else. I began researching anxiety and talking to friends that have dealt with it and it started sounding like maybe THAT was my problem. I was/am HIGHLY irritable, sometimes to the point where I cant even be touched because it stresses me out. The only way I can explain it is you know when you are right in the middle of trying to hurry and finish a project and one of your kids wants you to step away for something but you just want to hurry and finish it so you can be done with it..but your kid keeps bugging and bugging you until you just explode? That feeling you have at that moment is what I feel all the time..no matter what is going on. It started out subtle but is getting worse and worse as time goes on. Since I dont have insurance I have to be creative or skimpy when it comes to going to the doctor--its expensive. I got my 3rd medication at a Health Clinic in a local highschool (Im snobby enough that it was TOTALLY hard to go there but I could afford it so....) and they gave me one for anxiety. It's not touching it. Its been getting worse like I said for about 2 years but this summer it has all come to a head. On top of the stress of being a mom and having a job that I am burned out with we have ALSO dealt with many financial and other life stresses JUST in the past year.....bankruptcy (yes we did and I dont want to talk about it lol), losing Claytons school grants AND ability to get loans when he is SOOO close to being done and having to scramble to figure out how to pay for the remainder--still scrambling), Clayton finding out he has arthritis and having to fight insurance companies to get him treatment (AND how we were going to afford the treatment when and if we got it-although I should say we finally got that resolved on friday-more on that later), Paxtons anxiety problems (which I feel horribly guilty about because I KNOW my mood is not helping him) etc..etc..blah blah. Which has all led me to the nose dive in the last 2 months. Weight gain (although I SWEAR my eating habits have not changed even under the stress--I actually now lean more toward 'eating to survive' instead of 'surviving to eat' --unlike before), severe insomnia (most nights only about 3 hours), have developed an ulcer, had a period in May that lasted for 40 days (went to the gyno-pap was normal so he put me on Yaz birth control which I ws supposed to start this month), constant stress mode, and no sex drive mostly because of the stress that I feel, lots of back and joint pain especially in my finger, neck and ankle. BUT my biggest concern right now is my fatigue. I have absolutely NO energy for anything. To the point where I am literally experiencing memory loss and just plain feel like my brain is "muddy". Some days the fog is so bad that I almost feel high but without any of the "good" feelings. On those days I feel like I am almost slurring. Cant keep a straight thought in my brain to save my life. My house barely gets cleaned, by laundry is really only kept up by Clayton and not really sure how the kids survive (lol OK they are still cared for but not by a mom that is very nice haha). I want to exercise to see if it gives me energy and help lose weight but then I have no energy for it. And when I DO it makes keeps me down for days. So thats what I have been dealing with.

2 weeks ago while I was reading the paper I happened across a weightloss add. I never usually pay attention to them but this particular one caught my attention because it had 4 cartoon figures of different body types. Ech persons bodyfat looked different than the next and under each cartoon figure it had the "type" under it...Adrenal body type, Liver BT, Ovary BT, and Thyroid BT. The cartoon person with the Adrenal BT caption is what made me look. It looked sort of like my body. I was curious what Adrenal type meant so I googled it. I came across this website. Im embarrassed that you might actually look at it but I figure I've already said too much anyway so whatever LOL! What I read literally took my breath away! It could have been me they were talking about! There is a list at the end that has ALL of my symptoms on it (except this site doesn't mention menstration AND there were lots more that I DIDN'T have). This site has led me on an obsessive journey about my health for the last 2 weeks. One that I know Clayton is probably sick to death of hearing about HAHAHA! And I have come to the conclusion that I either have some sort of adrenal insufficiency (hormone imbalance called Hypoadrenia that unfortunately most doctors dont recognize or test for unless its on either severe end of the spectrum) OR as early as yesterday I am considering the fact that I am having a problem with Chronic fatigue syndrome. I hadn't thought it was my CFS, even though I was so tired, because in the past when I have had bouts with it (which led to two horrible cases of mono growing up) it was fast acting and I had severe lymph node pain (neck armpits, spleen etc..). But lastnight my throat started hurting a little (like I was swallowing AROUND something) and today its MUCH worse!! It doesn't FEEL swollen yet (to my fingertips) but I remember that from before. After all my research online and at the library I was on a course to treating myself for hypoadrenia with specific vitamins, stress reducers (done babysitting in one month), a special high protein diet and yoga and/or pilates (something meditative with stretching so as not to make my body need to secrete too much cortisol--its best if I want to get myself feeling good again AND lose weight). As of today, though, I m not sure if I feel as confidant that this is what I am suffering from. If it IS CFS and not hypoadrenia I can still follow the same regimine,it works for both and for my hypoglycemia anyway. However if it IS CFS and I am on my to getting Mono again I am scared to death!! How do I have mono AND be a mom with a husband that is starting his last and most intense semester of nursing school?? I cant sleep for 3-4 weeks straight like I did before...I am counting my blessings that school is starting soon-thats all I have to say =)

So if you are reading this sentence then that means you have actually read this entire post! So I want to say thank you...you are a gret friend LOLOLOLOL!! As for my facebook posting for those of you that know about it. I was prescribed Yaz for my period but BEFORE the 40 day menstration in May- and AFTER ..it was completely normal. In the info the doc gave me it said if you have adrenal issues DO NOT take Yaz as it increases potassium levels in your blood and if you have adrenal problems you'll already have a potassium imbalance and the YAZ could be very dangerous. Not knowing if I even DID have adrenal issues and a husband that sorta wanted me to be on birth control (LOL) I wasn't sure if I should take it or not. I struggled but finally decided if I was this unsure than it would be better if I DIDN'T take it.

WOW thanks for listening to me boob!!!!!

My very own Wolf

Paxton had his first scout pack meeting of the summer tonight and we are proud to announce that he was awarded his Wolf badge!! He started last december and it took him 7 months to earn his Bobcat and Wolf badges AAAAAND he also went above and beyond and was able to receive a Gold arrow point and 2 silver arrow point (which is the equivalent of 30 electives!). He is LOOOVING scouts and we are so proud of him. He has learned a lot so far so I am excited to see what the future of scouting holds for him. One of the things he had to pass off to get his badge tonight was building something "useful" all by himself. He learned about tools and how they work so he had to put those skills to work. He made a hat rack. IT IS SO CUTE HAHAHA! I haven't taken a picture of it yet but I will and will post it soon. But for now, here are some pics from tonight.

Getting his Wolf and arrowpoints

Pinning his mom =)
Everytime they get a badge they ALSO get a pin to give to their mother as a thank you for all their hard work LOL!

Lazy mom

So I was trying to email somebody and Maddox just got done swimming and drying off but was still wandering around the house naked. Here is our conversation:

M-Diaper? Diaper?
B- Hold on bubba
M-Diaper mom?
B-Let mama finish k?
M-Mamaaaaaa diaperrrrrr
B- (me tuning him out and trying to hurry and finish)
M-(running around me and trying to pull me off the chair while I laugh but still trying to finish)
B- Go get mom a diaper (stalling move)
M-(sets the diaper on my lap) 'anks mom
B-Your welcome......(zone)
M-(stands there for a second, picks the diaper up off my leg and throws it at my face) COME ON MOM! NOW!

Since when DOESN'T he want to be naked?

Zoo in pictures

First time watching the bird show. Paxton has always been too afraid to be around birds in free flight but we were able to talk him into it this year and he LOVED it!

My ground squirrel

I LOVE this picture! I told him to stick his leg into the croc's mouth to make it look like he was being eaten......this is what I got......

Paxton posed on every statue available but I wont post ALL of them

Out of ALLLLL the animals at the zoo, Maddox's VERY favorite one was............the bunnies.

Trying to see

The following video is proof of Maddy's love of bunnies! In the first shot we managed to get him to look at another animal but then he went right back-we could barely pry him away from his precious thumpers. We could have gone to Wheeler farm for free!

Bikes for kids

Paxton and his friend-I just NOW realized I dont even have ANY pictures of the actual bike! I am an idiot! We had to put it together when we got home so I never thought to take a picture of it once we had it done. Pfftt...

There is a non-profit program called Bikes for Kids that gives away 1000 bikes and helmets every year. Their main focus is to provide kids with a positive education and effective life-skills learned through owning and riding a bicycle. The kids are instructed in bicycle safety, the importance of obeying traffic signals, and wearing helmets. They are also encouraged and taught the importance of regular exercise and how riding a bicycle can provide that. A bicycle also offers them an alternative means of transportation which can help them feel more confidant and self-reliant....etc..etc.. The organization chooses a certain amount of schools and Boys and girls clubs around the valley to nominate which children they think should receive the bike. Paxtons school was chosen this year and we were SUPER excited to find out that they had nominated Paxton to get a bike!!! We are not sure how they based their nominations but we know they had to choose about 20 people from the school and he was one of the lucky ones. All we had to do was go to a little bike fair where Paxton had to go through a little "bike safety" lesson to learn how to navigate through traffic on a bike, how and why to wear a helmet and that sort of thing and then they just...HANDED US A FREE BIKE!! Paxton was SO excited and we were even surprised to discover when we got their that his best friend in the neighborhood ALSO got nominated so now they both have the same bike and they couldn't have been happier! He also got the helmet, free shirt, free gatorades, and coupons for a bunch of different things. We also got to see the Jazz Bear and got some free posters and prizes. It was pretty cool. The ONLY drawback to the day was that it felt like 1000 degree's outside and I had forgotten to put on sunscreen. Maddox and I had to sit out in the heat and sun and wait for Paxton to go through all his training so I got really sunburned. Maddox was in an umbrella stroller so he was just hot but not toasted. It is now July 25th and I STILL have the scars on my shoulders from that burn. I dont think they will be going away any time soon. I went shirtless around the house for a good couple of weeks afterwards! Literally!

BUT..it was worth it to see Paxton so thrilled.

Im still alive

Guess what? All my thousands of pictures have been downloaded by my husband..FINALLY!! I might actually get on and blog now! I hate blogging without pictures...its one of my anal quirks-which is stupid because I consciously know that blogging PERIOD (even with no pictures) is better than not blogging at ALL for two MONTHS!! (WHAT!!?? Seriously 2 MONTHS!?). Aye yie yie.......

But guess what....Im too tired tonight LOL!

Facts of life by Paxton Laulu

On the way to the bus stop this morning we saw two birds circling each other, hopping around, and basically kind of bumping or flying into each other. Paxton became concerned because he thought they were fighting, so to "ease" his fears I told him they were probably "husband and wife". To which he replied, "Oh then that means they are mating!".

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A conversation between Paxton and I:

Paxton: Mom can so and so sleep over this weekend (his usual, weekly request)
Mom: (Big sigh) Paxton...I don't know we'll see.
Paxton: Mom why do you always say that? Why don't you like sleepovers?
Mom: When you are a grown up you will understand. Mom is with other peoples kids all day every day so sometimes I want to spend time with just MY kids on the weekends.
Paxton: Well when I'M a grownup I probably wont spend that much time with kids! (pause) Mom if Maddox has kids I am NOT going to watch them!!!!!!!